Wrote this a day before leaving Siargao, publishing three days after. ****
Twenty-six years and six days old, here I am in Siargao, opting to skip surfing in ‘Quicksilver’ on our last full day here. I spent most of the afternoon if not eating, watching a movie on my laptop. I still don’t know if it’s a day wasted or well spent since I’ve yet to feel any regrets with my decision. Here I am on the veranda of the room we rented thru AirBnb staring at Daku Island every so often, contemplating on my life choices. (LOL)
I feel like the reality of unemployment is slowly creeping in. Unemployed with no backup plans? Yep, that’s me. As told on my previous blog entry, I’ve yet to decide what I want to do. With that thought looming over my head, it makes me wonder.. How’s everyone at 26 keeping up? Is everyone certain of what they want to do? John would always remind me how you’re not supposed to compare your life with others, something about race and marathons, so no need to remind me of that, it’s just that I’m very very very very curious as to how people seem to have their shit together.
We’re flying back to Manila, and I kinda dread it. Although I haven’t fallen in love with Siargao as I expected, I really like it here. I’d ask John during our rides how people do not have a sense of urgency here, and he said, what’s there to be urgent about? Point taken. Time seems to slow down in this island. What I do love about Siargao is how lively it is at night, yet at 9 or 10 it would mellow down. We’d been having late dinners before we realized how most of the restaurants close at 10. I like how there seems to have a perfect balance of being lively and quiet. I like how everything’s accessible via a motorbike, which made me realize how surprisingly convenient it is.
Maybe I need another week here to get to know the island more. Or a month. Or a year. Maybe. We don’t know.
Been going back and forth as to how I’ll write this entry, the thing is, I still don’t know how this decision will turn out. About a month ago I decided that I’m leaving my corporate job to do something else. Do what? At that point I had ideas, but nothing was set in stone. I guess the idea of not being employed scares me, the idea of freelancing scares me. Maybe I’m not cut out for it. I guess I’ll never know. I’ll never know til I’m in that situation. I have this inkling feeling that all I’ll ever be is what I’m used to doing, almost seven years in the industry and I feel like it’s who I am now. It’s never too late to change, or is it?
I want to travel, I don’t want to travel long term. I wanna be somewhere until I could figure out who I wanna be. Away from all the noise and stress of Manila, living in Manila has made me sad in more ways I could imagine. Yet, Manila is home to me, I wanna travel for a few weeks and go back home when I feel like it. Sounds selfish. I just feel like no matter how unhappy I am in Manila, something still pulls me back to it, maybe my parents, or my brothers, or my nephews. I honestly still do not know how I feel about it.
I wrote that before it actually happened, and now it’s happening. I’ve been bouncing around the idea of actually traveling for maybe a month continuously (?), go back to school (?), enroll in TESDA (?). I’ve yet to decide what I really wanna do, one thing’s for sure, I need to have an income. I don’t know if I should be proud of myself for actually not applying for any jobs whatsoever and missing out on (what I feel are good) opportunities for me, I just do not feel good about committing to something I may or may not go in circles again — everything’s just uncertain at this moment.
I guess for now, I’ll enjoy this view for a week and decide when I get back in Manila. 🙂